I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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