Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
