How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
