i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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