Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
