i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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