Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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