apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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