I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
