i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
