Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
