I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
