It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
