Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
