I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let's paint friendship bongs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
