i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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