I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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