I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
