It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
