Barsexuality is the new black.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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