Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
