I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
