I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
