morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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