What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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