So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well you can't waste a boner
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
