they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
