you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
