Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
