So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
