i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You ruined the universe
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
