cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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