first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize