Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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