who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
