I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
