i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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