and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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