My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
