I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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