is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize