is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
