Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
