Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you never un-have a 4some
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
