I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
