the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
