my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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