theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
please come you make the beer taste better
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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