sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
