Nicole vs. Life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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