you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
