I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
