Ambien. No doubt about it.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
