it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
