I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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