dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
