i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
