Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
