i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We need a shit load of segways right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
