He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My balls are so social today.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
