Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
