quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
