TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize