Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
