You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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