my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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