Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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