Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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